Mom, are you a lesbian?

One of the things I love most about my relationship with my mom is that I can be totally honest.

My parents have been divorced for about 6 years now.  In that period of time my mom has gone on several dates, and had pseudo-relationships with a few guys, or so she says. My sister and I have never met any of these men.  My mom chooses not to have us meet them, I guess in case it doesn't work out. She probably doesn't want us to meet them more out of fear of how critical we would be, so I can respect that.

Over the past few months she has been spending a lot of time with one of her good friend, let's call her Whoopi (I'm currently watching The View).  They go out to dinner, exercise, blah blah, you get the idea.

Well, last Friday Mom and I went to a ballet. She was telling me about plans she had with Whoopi and another friend, Barb,  in the morning.  Somehow through the conversation the fact that Barb is a lesbian comes out.  I see this as the perfect opportunity to ask, "Mom, are you a lesbian?"

*Insert Mom screaming my name here* The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Mom: Why in the world would you ever think that?!

Me: I don't know, you spend a lot of time with Whoopi and Barb so I was just curious.

Mom: We are just friends! I go on dates with men!

Me: I know, I know. It's just that I've seen a lot of women on shows like Oprah, who are married for 20+ years and then figure out they are a lesbian so I was just curious.

Mom: Well, no I am not a lesbian.

Me: Alright alright, but I want you to know it's okay if you are.

Mom: Sighs. Do I look like a lesbian?

Me: No Mom.

*5 minutes of silence*

Mom: So, next weekend I'm going to this other performance my Pilate's instructor is doing.  She is a lesbian, so it's at this lesbian bar.

Me: MOM, seriously?! And you wonder why I asked.

Mom: Well, I'll take Richard with me so people don't get the wrong idea.